I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
