she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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