If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
