it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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