Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i think my cat just said my name.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
