dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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