We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
