haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
