I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
