Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
