The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize