nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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