I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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