Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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