What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
