I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
