Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
