he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
