I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
