i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
