My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
