I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
