he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
