also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
