He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
