A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
