I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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