are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
