After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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