So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
