pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
These tits shall not be calmed
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