You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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