I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
