"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
