I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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