So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
