I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
