Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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