I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
