i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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