Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
