He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
