I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
