Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
