is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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