I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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