Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
