New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
