there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
