I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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