nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
