He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
