dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
