It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize