I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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