Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
