How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
