life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
