I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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