tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
