Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
zippers are such a cool invention
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
