my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
