Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
