I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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