FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
