It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize