all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
