Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
