oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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