you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
