If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
