im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
