Fine. I'll sleep in my office
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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