Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We don't watch enough power rangers
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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