I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
